Relationship Mistakes That Comes Back To Hunt Us In Marriage:
Dating or erotic relationships, though some religious 🏫 school of thoughts are averse to it because it has been abused overtime. However, it is supposed to be a time for two different individuals of opposite sexes who had found themselves worthy of being together, getting to know themselves better and also serve as a prelude to marriage. But it’s quite unfortunate that these two adults who had spent several years courting one another, more often than not, do not find each other worthy enough to tie the nut. And some who dares to, later realizes that who they married isn’t really who they wanted, and they’re being hunted by what they did or failed to do during their dating years.
In this post, I want to share with you seven major mistakes you often make in your relationship, knowingly or unknowingly, that later comes back to hunt you in marriage. You can add yours in the comment section if you like, and share it with others.
1. Being Ignorant of Your Temperament:
Most challenges and complains of a boisterous or soured marriages and relationships are often linked to temperament incompatibility. Among every other influences in a person’s life, temperament has more profound and overwhelming influence and control on a person’s traits, behaviors and attitude. Remember, you’re not only going to marry the physical man or woman you’re presently dating, you’re more than anything else, going to marry their inborn character, which represents the totality of who they are. Thus, if these characters are are controlled by the temperament they’re born with, which they clearly inherited from their parents and also from their grandparents, as a result of the genes that was transferred to them during conception, shouldn’t you then be more circumspect in choosing the best temperament that will be compatible with yours when contemplating marriage?
It is rather very unfortunate that a lot of persons are ignorant of this basic factor that controls the character and behavior of their partner, much more knowing its various strengths and weaknesses. No wonder they could have a fun- filled and happy relationship, but will be sad and bored in marriage, and often regret marrying the same person they once loved and were once happy with in relationship. But when you’re aware of your temperament and that of your partner, then you can easily decipher if both of you will be compatible to an extent in marriage. Marriage is a lifelong journey, so it ought to be given necessary attention when deciding on who to marry.
You can’t be a melancholy, who’s very disciplined, jealous and loyal and who always wants their partner to be loyal and more committed to them than any other person, then you went ahead and marry a typical sanguine, who’s very exuberant, loves fun and more often likes to be with friends outside his home and shows very little or no commitment to you. Even though you’re comfortable with them and you both enjoyed such lifestyle in your relationship, you should already know that you’re not compatible enough for marriage and you will always be sad and lonely in the marriage.
Similarly, you can’t be a gentle, calm and quiet phlegmatic, who always desires the attention and presence of your partner, and you married a pure sanguine who’s not always there for you when you need them to, not for the reason that they’re out there working to meet your needs or that of the family, but for the reason that they enjoy spending more time with friends. Of course, you’ll have more sad than happy moments in that marriage which could lead to getting yourself indulged in an unwholesome act should someone who always gives you such attention shows up.
Some temperaments are not just compatible with others for there to be a harmonious and happy marriage, unless they’re combined with other temperaments to augment their strengths and weaknesses. The earlier you realize this before making that lifelong decision, the better for you.
2. Pretence:
Do you know that so many persons pretends to one another in their relationship? This is a bad sign of a marriage that will no doubt hit the rocks. Pretence in a relationship obviously denies your partner the opportunity of knowing the real you. It could also mislead them to making wrong decisions, especially when effective communication is lacking.
Women are most times guilty of this. They’ll pretend to be nice, calm, quiet and gentle which is not their real trait but just so they would be considered for marriage, and when they after all get in there, their true colours will begin to surface and they’ll leave their partner disappointed.
Sometimes, you think by acting too nice, calm, gentle and naive makes every man admire you. No, some men actually admires and are more attracted to very bold, lively and sophisticated women. You may not know what attracts your partner until you let them know the real you. Be your real self, let him or her know the real you, what you believe and stand for, that way, you could provoke his or her true and undying love.
3. Desperation:
Desperation in every sense of it, is a negative trait. I consider it as rather a weakness than strength. It is only inferior persons, and those who lacks value for themselves and have not prepared themselves well enough, that often becomes desperate of getting something. If you’ve got value for yourself and have put modalities in place to achieving what you want, you’ll see it effortlessly coming to you. Getting pregnant or contemplating doing that in relationship without his consent, knowledge or plan of both of you, but just for the purpose of getting him to marry you, is obviously a sign of desperation. And when the time comes, he’ll be like, “you forced me into marrying you”, “you used your pregnancy to tie me down” and you’ll feel very guilty and unhappy.
While for some men, because of their desperate desire to marry a particular lady, they’ll overlook so many things or tolerate things that are obviously intolerable or they’ll be intolerant of in marriage, just so they could put a ring on her. And when they begin to nag and get irritated by those things they allowed in relationship, they throw the home in turmoil. Whatever you get by an act of desperation will sooner than later, loose its value because it was gotten through the wrong means and out of selfishness.
4. “It Doesn’t Matter Mentality”:
Marriage is a lifelong journey, hence would-be spouses who contemplates tieing the nut should rather be more meticulous than lackadaisical about one another’s behaviors, attitudes and lifestyles. “It doesn’t matter” attitude in so many relationships, had made a lot of persons to regret marrying who they married. Some persons have been blinded by infatuations, which has consequently made them develop an “it doesn’t matter” mentality.
A man clubs and drinks himself to stupor that he sometimes becomes an embarrassment to you, and you say “it doesn’t matter”. He physically abuses you either publicly or privately, “it doesn’t matter”. He wooed your friend and probably cheated on you with her, and you said “it doesn’t matter”, “I love him”. My sister, you’re clearly playing with 🔥 fire. She is very disrespectful and abusive of you, she’s never proud of you and often finds every reason to compare you to another man, or she even has more time for other persons than you, and you feel it doesn’t matter and you probably give excuses of not being married to her yet.
It will definitely come back to hunt you in marriage. Because women respects and makes time to be with who they sincerely love. What may not matter in dating will definitely matter in marriage. Stop him or her now, because a broken relationship is far better than a turbulent or broken marriage.
5. Being Unreasonably Optimistic:
Optimism is a nice quality indeed, but where there are no proving indicators or some positive steps taking towards achieving your desires, it becomes unreasonable, and you will probably need a miracle to make your wishes come through. A lot of persons are unreasonably optimistic in their relationship, instead of taking some steps towards changing certain things, they leave them to chance. He shirks from his responsibility as a man, he goes out very early and often comes back very late in the night, he is a randy person and loves to get into anything in skirt, or he’s a habitual smoker and often indulges in so many nefarious habits that you find very uncomfortable, and all you do is to hope that he’ll change when you’re married.
That’s being unreasonably optimistic. Or she’s so secretive and lies uncontrollably that you don’t know when or what to believe about her, she double or triple dates and you’re aware of it, but you always encourage yourself that she’ll change when you’re married to her, that’s madness. Rather than expressing unreasonable optimism, take some steps towards making them change, give them conditions, and if they’re unwilling to change, let them go. For it’s better for them to sacrifice their profanity for the sake of love, than for you to let their profanity be, because of love and leave with the regret in marriage.
6. Making Unreasonable Sacrifices:
Making sacrifices for the one you love is good, but it must be at the right time and for the right reasons. I’ve seen persons in dating relationship who sacrificed every opportunity to improve themself and better their lives educationally, vocationally, financially and career-wise just so they could please their partner or be with them. Some persons even fails to improve by investing in themselves first, but decides to invest in their partner and improve them.
All these are unreasonable sacrifices that will come back to hunt you in marriage because you can’t give what you don’t have. Every reasonable sacrifices or investment in someone you’re in an erotic relationship with, ought to be when you’re married to them. Else, you make those sacrifices whole- heartedly without any motive, selfish desires and expectations.
7. Unwilling To Invest For The Future:
As I stated at beginning of this post, dating or eros relationship is expected to be a prelude to marriage. Thus every necessary preparation and planning is supposed to be made. However, it’s unfortunate that some partners who had found themselves worthy enough to get married are inadvertently being wasteful and extravagant in their lifestyle. They’ve got all the resources to make some financial investment for their future, but they prefer wasting it on living extravagant and exuberant lifestyles.
Probably, both of you are working and earning good salaries, but all you do with your monies is live austere, materialistic and exuberant lifestyles. That money could be enough to afford such lifestyles in relationship, but when you get married and begin to have other responsibilities, then you’d realize that it’s obviously not enough. The wisest thing to do is to invest and save today for tomorrow, so you’ll be happy and hit the ground running immediately you tie the nut.
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Personality Traits and Temperaments. 