In one of my recent login to Facebook, I came across a question posted by a beautiful lady on my timeline. She asked, “what advice can you give to a woman who’s married but still feels lonely and bored”? This question got to me, it got me thinking about how depressed she must have been in that marriage. I quickly retorted within me, “Oh! She must have married a sanguine or choleric husband”. The question of that lady prompted the need to write on this topic, because I’m equally aware that so many other ladies and even some gentlemen are also faced with this same situation in their marriage. Today’s post aims to highlight five secrets to overcoming loneliness and boredom in marriage, and live a happier life.
Loneliness and boredom in marriage is common in so many homes, and it has consequently led to unwholesome and nefarious behaviours of some spouses who are experiencing this in their marriage. Marital conflicts and divorce has also become common and more frequent because of these twin adverse situations in marriage. Typical Phlegmatics and melancholic temperaments are easily confronted with this kind of situation, and they’re the worst victims of it. Sanguines and cholerics are less likely to suffer loneliness in their marriage, because they’ve got a lot of things that keeps them happy and busy, whether in or outside their homes. But they could however be bored sometimes, when they marry those who are totally disagreeable with them in many fronts.
Let’s consider five major secrets of overcoming loneliness and boredom in marriage:
1. Understanding Your Spouse’s Temperament:
A lot of persons do not know who they married. Ask some persons what they know about their partner. They’ll begin to describe their phenotypical appearance, or perhaps tell you about some of the qualities they’ve got, without really knowing who they are, temperament-wise. Everybody has got what controls and influences their behavior, which is responsible for why they act the way they do. We’re distinct human beings in nature, and we must act and behave differently, courtesy of the temperament we’re born with. It’s for this reason that there a peculiarities in marital lifestyle in different homes. No two marriages are the same, but you’ve got to discover what will make yours work. No one can do anything outside the temperament they’re born with, sounding more like a broken record now.
Different persons are often influenced by their primary, or a combination of their primary and also secondary temperament. This clearly determines their personality traits and they will often be seen yielding to its influence. The earlier you realize this, the better you’ll become in your marriage.
Being aware of the temperaments and different personality traits will enable you to know and understand the strengths and weaknesses of your spouse. So that you do not have to worry much or feel bad when you see them manifesting such weaknesses or strengths. When you’re married to a typical sanguine spouse, you should know that they’ll love to spend more time with friends and admirers outside their homes than in their home, if not controlled by a secondary temperament. Because they’re fun- loving, enjoying and happy-go-lucky personalities who detests loneliness or boredom, but loves to explore and seek for adventures.
And if perhaps, you’re married to a choleric, you ought to know that they are workaholics, who puts work first before any other thing and they’re willing to always go out there to cater to the needs of their family, so you may not be getting much of their time in the marriage.
Having an in-depth understanding of your spouse’s temperament will help you to be more at ease and relaxed in your marriage because you’re already aware of their weaknesses. And since you cannot change their inherited personality traits, you’ll either adjust to tolerating them or think of better ways you can manage the weaknesses they’ve got. It’s for this reason I will recommend you order and read know yourself through the temperament by Fr. Conrad Hock. It’s one of the best selling books on understanding your spouse’s temperament and how both of you can relate perfectly regardless of your weaknesses. Order the bestseller now because stocks are limited.
2. Maximizing Your Temperament Strengths:
This could work for the different temperaments in trying to overcome loneliness and boredom in marriage, depending on which aspect of your marriage you’re facing the challenge. But I’m specifically focused on the sanguines here, since majority of the strengths of melancholies and those of phlegmatics are inwards and personal to them, and they could utilize it to influence others, the society and also their relationships. As a melancholy or phlegmatic, you’ve got very nice and introverted qualities of calmness, gentleness, quietness, intelligence, loyalty, organization, self-sacrifice, perfectionism and being detailed and analytical, which your partner often admires. You could use these qualities and strengths to influence your extroverted sanguine and choleric partner in your marriage, since they already admire these qualities in you.
So, rather than sit and cry over their temperament that you cannot change, you could maximize these strengths and begin to use them to influence him or her in the marriage, and you’ll gradually see them adjusting their ways.
Since a sanguine is a charismatic and excellent salesperson, who knows how to get the attention of anyone with their liveliness, if you’re married to a sanguine, rather than wallow in the pain of his frequent exuberant and outdoor lifestyle that do not yield or contribute any substance to your marriage. They could be encouraged to get more productive by starting and running a business, because this is the area they could maximize their strength. When your sanguine’s spouses strength or perhaps weakness for you, could be converted to more money, the whole family wins, and you become more relaxed since you know they’re not just out there giggling and amusing with friends or other admirers, but they’ve also got something meaningful doing with their time as well. You love 💰 money, don’t you? So, let them convert that strength in doing better things with their time and make more money for the family.
3. Do What Makes You Happy And Fulfilled:
One of the ways to overcome or be free from loneliness and boredom in marriage is to engage yourself and keep doing what makes you happy and feel fulfilled. When I saw the question asked by that lady on social media, I quickly responded that she must have married a sanguine or choleric, and that, she cannot change who he is, she only needs to learn to manage the situation by try talking to him about it to see if he could adjust a bit, and above all, she should look for something that makes her happy and feel fulfilled while at home, and always engage herself with it, no matter how little or negligible it may be.
Life is personal, and you don’t need to live it for anyone or let another person’s traits and idiosyncrasies determine your happiness. Marriage is only for connection, partnership and building. The fact that you’re in marriage does not necessarily mean you should stop doing something for yourself, or using your God-given talents to impact the lives of others positively, and make yourself happy in the process. Life is too short to live it for others or leave it in the ✋ hands of others to decide your fate, not even your spouse. Look for something worthwhile that makes you excited and feel accomplished in your marriage, and engage yourself with it. This is one of the major ways you can overcome loneliness and boring moments in marriage.
4. Speak-up and be sensitive to conflicts:
I’ve discovered that one of the things that gets so many couples feel bored and depressed in their marriage is their inability to speak-up against things they’re not happy about in the marriage. They’ll often see the mis- behaviours of their spouse, but they lack the will and courage to talk to them about it. They conceal it in their mind, and it’s killing them slowly. Since they’re not able to speak-up and condemn those attitudes, they remain perpetually bored in the marriage.
This is typical of melancholy, and particularly phlegmatic temperament. And because they’re not able to express their displeasure, it breeds some ill- feelings, inner negative thoughts and resentments that could make them indulge in some nefarious and unwholesome behaviours, especially when they listen to wrong advice or counsel from friends or admirers. The Inability of couples to speak-up in condemnation of things they’re unhappy about in marriage has led to so many broken marriages.
When you’re able to speak-up against the attitudes of your partner that you are not comfortable with, vehemently condemn it, whether they listen or not, but they’ve heard you, it helps you ease your stress and diffuse all forms of conjectures, ill-feelings and negative thoughts you may have against them, which is also capable of aggravating your already depressed mood. But you also need to draw the line in being sensitive to conflicts. Speak-up, don’t nag! No one likes nagging. Let them understand you’re totally opposed to their recent acts, and be damn serious when expressing your displeasure and disapproval.
5. Be Emotionally Intelligent:
Being emotionally intelligent also helps to douse tension, and relieves you of all forms of stress and boredom that could lead to depression in your marital life. It means being sensitive emotionally, and putting your feelings and emotions under checks and control at every moment you’re at a crossroads. Our emotions are stronger than knowledge or reasoning. When you allow your emotions and feelings to have a better part of you, you’re bound to make mistakes when taking decisions. Some persons have a challenge with this, they allow their feelings and emotions predominates their thoughts. Thus, every decision they make is tied to those emotions.
This is absolutely uncalled-for, in marriage or in any other relationship because it’s a recipe for conflict. Most of what we think about the other person may be totally untrue and far from being real, but our feelings and emotions will always make us to think towards that direction. This is the reason why being emotionally sound and intelligent in your relationships or marriage is very important, in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts that could lead to depression.
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