A lot of persons in dating relationship do not really know the right questions to ask each other when contemplating tieing the nuptial knot. Some dabble in to marriage because they’re used to each other since they’ve already spent many years dating. Without realizing that marriage is totally different from dating relationship.
Some religious 🏫 organizations whose doctrines make it mandatory for intending couples to observe at least six months courtship before finally joining them do not also specify the right questions they ought to ask one another. Thus, they often ask less important and irrelevant questions which will not suffice to make the marriage thick and lasting.
Six months of courtship or several years of dating does not guarantee a happy and successful married life. Moreover, some persons could lie to themselves during courtship, just so the marriage committee will approve their proposal.
Others also pretends in their relationship until they’re married, consequently some of the “mistakes they made in relationship comes back to hunt them in marriage. In today’s post, I want to list seven important questions that needs to be asked by intending couples before they go ahead to say “I do” to each other.
Seven Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage:
1. What’s Our Temperament?
This is the first and foremost question every intending couples who desires a happy and successful married life must ask themselves. Apart from asking questions about blood group and genotype, this is the second most important question you’ve got to ask.
Because it’s the only way to know who best suits your kind of personality and also “finding the right partner for marriage. It’s important to note that our temperament influences our individual traits. Thus, however we behave, act or thinks owes it’s origin to the temperament we’re born with.
It is the genes that was transferred to you at conception by your parents, and more from your grandparents. It rarely changes, other factors could attempt to modify or tweak it, but it really does not change. And you must always be seen yielding to its control and influence unknowingly.
The knowledge of one anothers’ basic temperament is one very important question every would-be couples must ask themselves, in order to avoid getting married to someone whose temperament is not compatible or totally incongruous with theirs.
It’ll be difficult for a typical melancholic partner to cope with the unserious and undisciplined lifestyle of a typical sanguine unless they’ve got other secondary temperament, because they are two wide parallel temperaments that’ll find it difficult to converge.
It’s for this reason that questions about individual temperaments must be asked by both intending couples to know if they’ll somewhat compatible for marriage or not.
2. Are We Compatible Enough For Marriage?
After knowing the temperament of one another, the next important and realistic question you must consider is, if your temperaments are very compatible or somewhat compatible for marriage. But for you to ask this salient question, you must have a detailed or even a basic knowledge of all the temperaments and their traits.
However, there’s no one person that has just one temperament category, it’s usually a combination of two or more “blends of temperaments which are usually combined in varying degrees or proportions.
When questions like, are we very or substantially compatible for marriage are asked. It enables the both of you to to start looking at your personality traits and comparing them to know which areas each party needs to work on and improve upon in order to have a very blissful married life, that’s devoid of so much differences and irregularities.
It also helps you to marry who you’re comfortable with, that their lifestyle interests you the most. Because that’s what’ll preserve the marriage when conflicts and challenges begins to surface in the union.
3. Can We Cope With Our Personality Traits?
Like I stated at beginning of this post, different personality traits are often influenced by the temperament they’re born with. Sometimes, even in our interpersonal relationships, some person’s personality traits are very irritating to others, that they do not want to have anything to do with them.
Similarly in marriage, our traits could differ from one another. But does the personality traits of your partner interests you enough that you wished to see more of it in marriage!
However, individual personality traits could also be misleading at face value. Someone could think they’re mostly attracted to a very quiet and gentle phlegmatic in a relationship without realizing that, that is not the best person for them in marriage.
Another could also get irritated and pissed by the traits of an aggressive and fearless choleric initially, and decide never to marry such a person, without also realizing that, that will be the best person for them in marriage. It’s for this reason that you need to know the kind of personality your temperament wants, so you’ll begin to sift potential suitors
The “personality traits of a typical sanguine temperament could be very irritating to anyone in marriage, but there could also be areas of their traits that you may need and perhaps appreciate.
This is why questions on coping with one another’s personality traits is very important, in order for both of you to know the areas of your strengths to maximize, weaknesses to manage or conquer, plus how you both could augment each others differences in the marriage.
4. Can We Manage or Tolerate Our Weaknesses?
Every temperament has got its own peculiar strengths and weaknesses. These strengths and weaknesses also finds their way into a marriage to make what it is. Since both of you are of different temperament category with peculiar weaknesses.
The sane question to ask will be, how can we manage or tolerate our weaknesses? But more often than not, intending couples do not ask these questions. They often baffle in the euphoria of getting married that they forget or neglect asking each other some salient questions.
Little wonder the moment they get into married life and begin to notice some of this weaknesses, they become so bored and sad in the marriage. And because they did not fashion out a way of managing these weaknesses nor prepare their mind to encounter them, they more often than not regret ever marrying the person they had married.
When you ask questions about your temperaments and also your personality traits, it will no doubt throw up questions about how to manage or tolerate your individual weaknesses. “Overcoming your basic temperament weaknesses is possible, but it all depends on how real you are to yourself, plus how open you are to your partner.
However, if there’s a particular weakness of your partner that you can never manage or tolerate then there’s absolutely no point marrying them. Else, your marriage will be heading for the rocks.
5. How Do We Maximize Our Temperament Strengths?
Alongside everyone’s temperament weaknesses are also strengths that are associated with them. These strengths needs to be maximized to make the marriage thick and blossom in every ramification.
It’s for this reason I often advocate for intending couples to marry those whose temperaments are opposite to theirs, so they’ll bring their individual temperament strengths to bare on the success of the marriage, and also make up for their weaknesses.
A sanguine could be an unserious and undisciplined personality, but there are areas of their strength that’s very important to make a marriage lively.
A choleric may be very domineering and overly inconsiderate, but they’ve got strengths that could help to make their families self-sufficient, and their homes, a fortress. “Melancholies could be very moody and nagging persons but they’ve got strengths that’s necessary to build a very lovely family and capable of leading the entire family in the right direction.
And finally, no matter how docile and unmotivated a phlegmatic may be, they’ve also got strengths necessary to keep their home and marriage in ☮️ peace harmony.
Every temperament has got different strengths that can obviously be maximized to make the marriage worthwhile and successful. Thus, asking questions about how to build on your strengths, will make you both know areas of your strengths and how to tap into them.
6. What’s Our Greatest Areas of Strength?
Different temperaments has got very good number of strengths, some more pronounced and influential, others less pronounced and visible courtesy of a combination or blends of various temperament categories in varying proportions.
Our basic or primary temperament will always have a very domineering influence on us, and will be the first to be noticed by anyone. It’s for this reason that you need to first consider your greatest areas of strengths before others, so you’ll be able to combine them for the utmost success of your marriage.
Your core or basic areas of strengths are areas that you seamlessly and effortlessly bring to bare in your marriage and be most successful.
It could be in business, leadership, career, parenting, Intelligence, strategic planning and thinking and probably domestic routines that you do not seem to get tired of.
There are different areas of strengths every temperaments are known for. The ability to tap into these areas in marriage will no doubt produce very resounding successes.
7. What Kind of Kids Do We Want To Have?
It’s adviceable for intending couples to have an idea of the kind of family and kids they’d love to have, and work towards realizing their desires. But it’s quite unfortunate that a lot of couples do not make plan for this nor put it in their priority list.
When you both sit to discuss on this issue, and ask questions about the kind of home and kids you’d love to have, it’ll help you to start considering which of the temperament categories are capable of helping you in raising such kids.
You obviously cannot be a typical Phlegmatic married to another phlegmatic or melancholy, and you expect to have very courageous and fearless kids, unless any of them had inherited a choleric temperament from their grandparents.
Similarly, for instance, you’re a sanguine who’s married to another sanguine then you expect to have very disciplined and serious kids. That can never happen, unless you’ve got another secondary temperament of almost equal degree to your basic sanguine temperament.
It’s for this reason that questions about the kind of kids you’d love to have must be deliberately asked, in order to work out the modalities for achieving them.
For further reading about asking the right questions before tieing the knot, I want to recommend you order and read 101 questions to ask before you get engaged by H. Norman Wright. Order the bestseller now in order to arm yourself with the right questions that’ll help you get hooked up with the right person.
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Personality Traits and Temperaments. 