How Your Temperament Makes Your Partner Feel Bored:
The subject of temperament is one that often interests me a lot. Having an understanding of the four basic temperaments which influences our personality traits, is sure one of the best, if not the best way to forestalling breakdown in human interpersonal relationships. And it gets even more interesting when you understand the inherent strengths and weaknesses of the various temperaments. It’ll enable you to better manage the traits and attitude of everyone, and also become more tolerant of their idiosyncrasies.
However, it’s very unfortunate that a lot of persons are ignorant of this very important subject, and some who may be aware of it, often trivializes its influence on everyone’s behavioural patterns. Although, the subject of temperament is often regarded as an ancient one, considering when it was first proposed by a reputable Greek physician Hippocrates, who believes in the theory of humorism. In which he categorized every human being as air, 🔥 fire, earth and water. And each of this symbols perfectly describes the personality traits of four categories of human beings.
The truth is that everyone’s character and behaviour must have an origin, and must always be influenced by something, which basically is the very temperament they’re born with, as a result of the genes that were passed unto them by their parents and even more from their grandparents. Our temperaments rarely changes, it is innate. Though education, societal and environmental influences, and perhaps parental upbringing may try to tweak or modify it, but they really do not change it, and we’ll often be seen yielding to its influence on us.
It’s for this reason that in today’s post, we want to consider how different temperaments could knowingly and may be unknowingly be the reason why their marriage is very boring, and their spouses feels very lonely and unhappy. It’s important that you are aware of the traits of different temperaments, so you’ll be in a better position to making the right choice of the best person you’d like to spend the rest of your life with in marriage. First off, let’s consider 3 main causes of loneliness and boredom in marital relationships.
3 Major Causes Of Boredom In Marriage:
In one of my previous post about how to overcome loneliness and boredom in marriage, I did highlight 5 ways lonely and bored spouses particularly, those of melancholy and phlegmatic temperaments can overcome these two marital challenge. That’s for those who are already in marriage, and are still feeling lonely and bored. But in this post, we want to look at the main causes of boredom in marriage, which also no doubt leads to loneliness.
1. Ignorance of One’s Temperament:
The first step to finding or choosing the right partner for marriage is to know your own temperament, and understand its inherent strengths and weaknesses. Temperament controls all that we do in life. How we behave, acts and reacts to issues, how we face and handle challenges, how emotional we could be, the way we relate with people including our spouse and kids, and virtually everything we do in life owes its origin to the temperament we’re born with.
We’re all unique and distinct beings, with very peculiar traits. It’s basically for this reason that it’s rare to see two or more persons behaving exactly the same. Someone could get along very well with another, but often finds it difficult relating cordially for a long time with others without frequent antagonism. This is usually because our temperament weaknesses and strengths plays an important role in determining how successful we’ll be in our relationship with others.
Similarly in marriage, these strengths and weaknesses also finds their way in there. And they determine to a very large extent how peaceful, happy and successful our marital relationship will be. It’s for this reason that being aware of your basic temperament or a combination and blends of it, will no doubt put you at a vantage position in deciding the right person that suits you for marriage.
A lot of persons are regretting being married to who they married because they’re ignorant of their temperament and the kind person that fits them for marriage. Unfortunately, some who had the gut, opts for divorce, while others who aren’t courageous enough decides to remain in the marriage, to either endure it or perhaps find a way to make themselves happy through indulging in extramarital affairs. If you’re aware of your temperament, it gives you an edge when making that lifelong marital decision. You will be able to screen your suitors as woman, or be more at ease in making the right choice as man.
Each of the four basic temperaments has their own peculiar lifestyles and personality traits. It’s difficult to change anyone’s innate personality traits, not even marriage could change it. The Holy Spirit could only help to ameliorate or moderate it, and make it less visible when we give in to Him.
For instance, you can’t be a pure phlegmatic or melancholy, and you expect not to be lonely and bored in a marriage, having married a typical sanguine, unless the sanguine spouse has got a secondary temperament of almost equal ratio. In a nutshell, in order to be able to know the right person that matches your kind of person for marriage, you must first off, know the temperament category you belong, and also understand its inherent strengths and weaknesses.
2. Temperament Incompatibility:
Next to being ignorant of one’s own temperament as one major cause of boredom in marriage, is temperament Incompatibility. I hear a lot of persons particularly, couples often lament that they’re not compatible to live with one another. Citing disagreements and misunderstandings as a reason for divorce. Misunderstandings and disagreements isn’t really the issue here, because there are times you also do agree and perfectly understands one another. Moreover, there’s no marriage that’s without any form misunderstanding and disagreement. Infact, many marriages are often faced with this challenge and the couples are still together, why? I’ll tell you in the next major cause.
The basic truth is not that you often disagree with each other, it’s rather because you are temperamentally incompatible with one another. Your temperaments, which influences your lifestyle and attitudes are very much antagonistic to each other’s. Suffice to say that in marriage, you can’t get one hundred percent of all that you desire but your first objective when making that lifelong decision, will be to be reasonably compatible, or to a large extent with each other’s personality traits.
Incompatibility in temperament is no doubt one major cause of sadness and boredom in marital relationships. The main predisposing factor to tieing the nut with someone whose primary or temperament blends isn’t compatible with yours, is doing number 1, that’s being ignorant of your temperament, with its natural needs. When you’re aware of the temperament you’re born with, then you basically know what you require from your potential spouse to live peacefully and happily together. This will enable you to begin to look out for the temperament that has got the personality traits that’ll keep you comfortable in the marriage.
Like I said earlier, different persons has got different traits and behavioral patterns, courtesy of the temperament they’re born with. And these traits could either interest us, or we become totally averse to it. It’s obviously for this reason that marrying someone whose temperament is reasonably compatible with yours is one of the best way to avoid boredom in your marital relationship.
Back to the instance I cited earlier, you can’t be a pure melancholy who’s extremely jealous, loves sincerely and committed to your family. And you also desire one hundred percent loyalty and commitment from your spouse, then you went ahead and married a typical sanguine, who’s basically an enjoying, happy-go-lucky and also people-oriented person, that loves to spend more time with friends and admirers outside their homes. You should already know you’re going to experience more boring, lonely and sad moments in that marriage. And similarly, as typical sanguine, you also decides to marry a typical melancholy or choleric, that relationship will no doubt be encumbered with many conflicts. For the nagging and moody nature of the melancholy or the no nonsense lifestyle of the choleric will sure make the marriage a living hell.
Conclusively, the first and foremost way to avoid being bored and lonely in marriage, is to know your own temperament. The second is to choose someone whose temperament will be compatible with yours in marriage.
3. Nothing Interests You About Your Spouse:
Every temperament has got qualities and strengths in them which often interests others. And this strengths and qualities could keep them going in the marriage whenever it’s being displayed, or they remember it. But if for any reason, you could not find anything that interests you anymore in your spouse, then that’s a recipe for an unhappy and boring marriage.
Sometimes, we misconstrue good impression with being interesting. You could impress your boss at work and you get a promotion for it. But perhaps you did badly the next time or you fail to be consistent in making him or her feel impressed by you? You could also impress a lady on your first date, that she’s head over heels in love with you. So what happens when you cannot impress her anymore? When you impress someone, you’re clearly getting them to be attracted to you for a short time. But when you interest anyone, then you’re certainly getting them to stick with you for a very long time.
Impressing someone is usually a one off thing, because it has no root or basis. And more importantly, your lifestyle or attitude may impress a particular person, but cannot make another person feel impressed. For you to always impress anyone all of the time, you must be a magician who will always come up with new tricks. But when you interest someone, it’s more real and profound, and you’re getting them to become perpetually attracted to you. Thus, impressing someone could be vague and not sustainable. But interesting them is more real and sustainable, since it’s tied to the temperament you’re born with.
Conclusively, in order to avoid being bored, lonely and sad in marriage, find something that often interests, not impress you about your potential spouse, which could be rare to find in others. This is what could keep you interested in them, and perhaps keep you going in the marriage regardless of other weaknesses they might have.