Major Factors That Makes A Predominant Melancholic Feel Depressed In Marriage:
One of the four basic temperaments that easily feels depressed or that frequently relapses into a state of depression, are the melancholics. The typical melancholic’s mood swings fluctuates intermittently, and often operates between an ecstatic high, and a depressed low moods. This minute, their moods could be up over very little things, and they’ll operate or behave as if they were a happy and ecstatic sanguine, and the next minute, their moods will be completely down over a very negligible matter, that any other temperament could overlook, but a typical melancholic must find a way to feel moody and depressed about it. At that critical moment when his mood is down, if not properly managed, it more often than not degenerates into a state of depression. Consequently, anger, hostility, aggression and withdrawal from all activities is not uncommon for them.
Next to the melancholics when it comes to getting into a state of depression are the typical phlegmatics. Predominant cholerics and sanguines rarely feel depressed unless when their feelings and emotions has been greatly undermined. However, they do not dwell or wallow in that depressed mood for a long time, unlike their predominant phlegmatic and melancholic counterparts. They know how to encourage themselves and braise up, regardless of the situation. But for the predominant melancholic, he could dwell in that depressed mood for a very long time, and unless they’ve got a secondary temperament like sanguine or choleric in considerable amount that could be comparable to his primary melancholic temperament, or perhaps has got someone who’ll always be around to encourage him, the tendency towards getting into a state of manic depression will be very palpable.
It’s basically for this reason that in today’s post, we want to consider some of the main factors that often causes or predisposes a predominant melancholic personality into a state of depression in their marriage and how they can manage or avoid it. Typical melancholics often suffers from depression in marriage for a number of reasons, and it’s basically these reasons we’re going to be looking at today. Because for you to be able to tackle or solve a particular problem you must be aware of the root cause of that particular problem. We’ll be considering these root causes of depression for typical melancholics in their marriage, then try to proffer solutions or give recommendations that could help them overcome, or at least better manage it.
Main Causes of Depression For A Predominant Melancholic In Marriage:
Just like i earlier stated, moodiness is one of the main cause of depression in typical melancholics, whether in marriage or in any endeavor in life. A melancholic is a naturally moody personality. His moods do fluctuates like some major currencies of the world. At that moment when his mood is up, hell could laugh hysterically and also act as if he were an extrovert sanguine. During this period, he is the best person to relate with, because he’ll not only be happy and excited for himself alone, but he also seeks to electrify everyone with or around him with this happy and ecstatic mood. But when a melancholic’s mood is down, even over a very negligible matter he’s the worst person to relate or get along with. Because apart from being irascible, aggressive and hostile, he also want everyone around him to be sober and genuinely feel his pain.
Melancholics are the temperament that has got two extremes. When they are hot, they are excessively hot, and when they’re cold, you can’t believe they’ve ever been hot. It’s basically this traits that often makes them appear to be very complicated eventhough they may look very simple outwardly. Thus most persons often tends to misunderstand their character, and could sometimes take their outward simplicity and nativity for perhaps cowardice and stupidity. But it’ll interest you to know that melancholics are the most callous and dangerous of all the temperaments when they’re being pushed to the wall or stressed beyond their elastic limit.
So, moodiness is one of the major factors that often predisposes melancholics to a state of depression. In their marriage, such things as negligible as their spouses not giving them attention, or a warm reception at home after the days activities at work or perhaps getting to their house, and seeing everywhere looking very untidy or things not being kept in their proper place and position etc, could make a predominant melancholic person become very moody. And if this mood is allowed to persist for a long time, or their spouse refuses to accord them attention or maybe encourage and be their for them if peradventure they had a bad day, it could degenerate into a state of depression.
Nothing makes melancholics often get very depressed in marriage more than getting married to someone who their lifestyles is completely incongruous and disagreeable to theirs and it doesn’t seem to complement their strengths and weaknesses. Although temperament incompatibility in marriage is one of the major problem most spouses often experience and battle with in their marriage, and sometimes the reason for so many divorces. However, predominantly melancholics tends to battle with it more than others, it keeps them depressed in the marriage and slowly eats them up. Other temperaments like the sanguine or choleric may be able to deal with it, and not allow it to keep them in a state of depression even if it means walking out of the marriage. But for typical melancholics or phlegmatics the challenge of incompatibility in marital relationship almost consumes them before they could realize it.
The main reason why incompatibility in marriage often gradually destroys typical melancholics and phlegmatics are, for the phlegmatics, indecision and fear of moving on. This could make them to remain and continue to suffer in the marriage, because they’re afraid of a life alone, or starting all over again. While for typical melancholics, it’s their perfectionist mentality, which will always want to make them consider what people will say should they walk out of their marriage, since they already presents themselves to everyone as perfect persons who rarely makes mistakes. Thus, this will make them become very reluctant to walk away, and consequently live in depression. It’s basically for this reason that majority of marriages dominated by melancholics and phlegmatics spouses are neck deep into a state of depression in their marriage, because the lifestyles and attitudes of their spouses does not seem to complement or perhaps agree with theirs. Therefore, the consideration of lots of things often makes them to remain in it and endure it, rather than relish their marriage.
I’ve come across persons who for the fear of moving on in life or starting afresh, and perhaps for consideration of what people will say, choose to remain in marriage with an incompatible partner, and be in a state of perpetual moodiness and depression. It isn’t that I’m in anyway endorsing marital separation or divorce. But it’s about doing the right and reasonable things in order to keep your sanity and also mental health. If peradventure you have made a mistake getting married to someone you shouldn’t have married, I believe the reasonable and right thing you ought to do is to start taking responsibility for your actions and begin to correct the mistakes. Speaking up against their negative attitudes or idiosyncrasies, and showing them the other more positive alternatives, trying to influence them with your strengths, as away of helping them to manage their weaknesses, it could perhaps also require you to give them a break with the conditions that unless they adjust their way of life, you can’t get back with them. If they truly love you, they’d do everything to adjust their way of life.
One major issue I’ve discovered that a lot of persons do have in marriage is basically their inability or should I say, docility in taking responsibility over their marriage. They seem not to be operating from a stake holder point of view, and from the position of strength in their marriage, and it’s most common among the introvert phlegmatic and also melancholic dominated marriage. Thus, the tendency to more often than not, wallow in frequent depressed moods or state should things not be working out fine in the marriage isn’t uncommon for them. If things aren’t going the way it’s supposed to go in your marriage, it’s your duty and responsibility to change certain things and make your partner adjust their lifestyle through influencing them with your own strengths and qualities. Since one of the ways we can manage our temperament weaknesses is through influencing one another positively.
3. An Uncomplimentary Spouse:
A predominant melancholic person could tolerate and endure insults and also verbal abuses from other persons, but not from persons, particularly their spouse who they thought should know or understand them better, and believe that they would not do anything to hurt their feelings. Apart from typical phlegmatics who comes close, there is no other temperament that feels deeply hurt over verbal abuses and insults from their supposed loved ones more than the typical melancholics. This no doubt often makes them to remain very sad for a very long time, and also keep them in a state of depression. The main reason for this, is not far-fetched. It’s basically because a typical melancholic is a highly emotional person, particularly when it comes to their erotic love relationship with their heartthrobs. He’s also someone who has got poor self- image or low self-esteem. Thus, insulting or abusing him, especially coming from the one they love, makes them feel deeply hurt on the inside, which could consequently make them feel depressed for a very long time until you try to do things that’ll lift up their spirit once again.
4. Unnecessary Comparison:
Still because of their low self-esteem, and also based on the feeling that they’ve got some basic natural good qualities, and so they’re near-perfect persons, which could possibly not be completely incorrect. It’s mainly this feeling or thinking that often makes predominant melancholic detests being compared to someone else, or their spouse and loved ones trying to make them feel that someone else has got some better qualities than themselves. Jealousy could also be another major reason why a typical melancholic will express so much ire and outrage should their heartthrob attempt to compare them to another person, probably trying to see or point out a better quality in those persons. When you do that, it makes a melancholic become overly unhappy. The tendency for him or her to start feeling that perhaps you appreciate and feel more attracted to the person than themselves, is not uncommon for them. If nothing is done to reassure them of your commitment to, and love for them, and they remain in that unhappy state for a long period of time, it consequently results in depression.
5. Unresolved Marital Conflicts:
Predominant melancholics are one of the temperaments that so much love and also enjoys being with their families, especially with their spouse and kids. Infact when their family is fine, and everything seems to be working out fine for them, no other persons matters to them. They often relish the warm ambience in their marriage, the unity and togetherness in their family. For such a person who often places his family far and above every other thing invariably his home is basically where he often finds joy and peace. Therefore, whatever that makes this joy and peace to elude him in his home, is capable of keeping him in a state of depression.
It is for this reason that unresolved marital conflicts in a predominant melancholic’s marriage often predisposes them easily to depression. For the melancholic person, gaining weight in his home, is a matter of minutes when everything is very fine, and he feels very excited about it. Similarly, loosing weight is also a matter of seconds, especially when things seems not to be fine and alright in his marriage. It’s important for you to know that nothing depreciates a predominant melancholic person faster in his home more than going to bed at night, having an unresolved or unsettled conflict with their spouse, and nothing also makes them look very lively and also flamboyant more than being in a very peaceful and happy relationship with their spouse and heartthrobs.
6. Unrealized Goals and Expectations:
Melancholics are rarely optimistic persons, thus, failing once could easily for-close any other attempt or stop them from trying again, unless if they’ve got a secondary temperament that’s more dogged compare to their predominant melancholic side. Or if perhaps they’ve got someone who often motivates and encourages them to keep on trying. When a melancholic’s expectations or goals eludes him, it makes him overly sad and unhappy, and he often doubts if a second attempt would work. The reason for this is because, melancholics are very detailed and strategic persons, who loves to take their time to plan whatever they want to do before embarking on it. It’s for this reason that when they fail to achieve or meet their goals, perhaps at work or any other endeavor they’re into, moodiness, sadness and dejection becomes palpable. A typical melancholic easily becomes moody and sad if he doesn’t achieve his goals and expections. If perhaps he fails to achieve his workplace or personal goals, or if he had a bad day at work, he will definitely come back to his home feeling very moody and sad. If nothing is done to pacify him, and lift up his mood, it could lead him to depression.
7. Lack of Care and Attention:
Just like I earlier stated, melancholics are highly emotional persons when it comes to their erotic love relationship with their heartthrobs. Thus, they often need that love and care, and show of commitment and attention from their spouses or loved ones. Apart from a phlegmatic, there’s no other temperament that appreciates and loves being cared for, and given attention by their heartthrobs more than the typical melancholics. The truth is that, if you often make your melancholic partner realize you have so value and regards for them, it no doubt makes them become very bonded to you. If you treat him or her as your king or queen, you are sure to get their undying love. However, a lack of care and attention from their spouse or heartthrobs, will often make them become moody and sad, and the marriage will be very boring. When this lack or show of care attention persists, the resultant effect will be depression in marriage.
How Can Melancholics Manage or Overcome Depression In Marriage?
Considering their extreme attitudes and complicated nature, eventhough they look very simple and naive on the outside. I’ve often advised that melancholics should endeavor to marry persons of dissimilar temperaments or blends of temperament, who loves and understands them, and also feels so much attracted to them because of their strengths and qualities, much more than they will be irritated by their natural weaknesses. Notwithstanding the fact that melancholics have got some weaknesses that could be very irritating to their spouse and heartthrobs, they’ve also got strengths and qualities that will make you to become so much proud of them, and also helps the success of your marital relationship.
Another advise I’d like to give to typical melancholics on how they can manage or overcome marital depression apart from marrying who understands and loves them beyond their weaknesses is that, time will definitely come in every marriage when all these challenges will certainly find there way into the marriage, and consequently may lead to depression. Therefore, typical melancholics during these times needs to fashion out a way to manage and possibly overcome depression.
It’s mainly for this reason I will advice that as melancholic, you must not allow what anyone does or did not do, to determine your happiness. Refrain from dwelling so much in your depressed mood, but look for something that often makes you happy, feel satisfied and fulfilled, and engage in it. It could be writing a book that adds value to lives or imparts knowledge, using your skill to do something worthwhile, or just do something that will advance and improve your life, like learning a skill, undergoing training or courses for your job or career advancement. All these deliberate efforts will no doubt enable you to manage and easily overcome marital depression.
I’d like to recommend some depression management books you can read to help you manage and overcome depression. These books were very instrumental to helping me overcome depression and anxiety in my high school days. Order them now in order to get rid of moodiness and depression permanently out of your life as a melancholic.
– 10 Best Ever Depression Management Techniques by Margaret Wehrenberg.
– Getting it done when you’re depressed: Strategies for keeping your life on track by Julie A. Fast.
– Retrain your brain: Cognitive behavioral therapy in 7weeks: A workbook for managing depression and anxiety by Seth J. Gilligan.
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