How To Improve Your Interpersonal Relationship With Different Temperaments:

Improving Your Interpersonal Relationship With Different Temperaments:

Human interpersonal relationship has lately become fraught with so many crisis, conflicts and controversies, as a result of differences in our reasoning, behavioral patterns, attitudes, understanding of issues and how we act and react to issues. Suffice to say that all of these differences are very much embedded in the temperament we’re born with, which no doubt determines our personality traits. A predominant sanguine may often clash with a typical melancholic because he doesn’t seem to understand the reason why he cannot think, act or behave like him. The same way a typical choleric may get pissed and irritated with a typical phlegmatic because he cannot fathom why he thinks, acts, behaves and do things the way he does.

It is basically a lack of understanding of the personality traits of the four different temperaments, or perhaps our inability to accept others for who they are, that’s very much responsible for breakdown of our human interpersonal relationships. If a typical sanguine can understand the traits and behavioral patterns of a melancholic and accept the fact that a melancholic can’t think, act, behave or do things like he does, and vice versa, then there’ll be less crisis or conflicts amongst us. The same goes for a predominant choleric and phlegmatic, and perhaps, choleric and melancholic and of course sanguine and phlegmatic.

It’s basically for this reason that in today’s post, we want to consider how we all can improve our interpersonal relationships with different temperaments, and how we can build and entrench very seamless and cordial lasting interpersonal relationship with anyone we come across, regardless of the fact that we’ve all got our individual differences, courtesy of the temperament we are born with. It’s for this reason that I want to recommend the book Personality plus: Understand others by understanding yourself by Florence Littauer. Order the bestseller now for more detailed reading about the personality traits of the different temperament types.

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Personality Traits Of A Typical Sanguine And How You Can Relate With Him:

A predominant sanguine person is very loud and expressive. He blusters so much about himself, and sometimes exaggerates a lot of things. Thus, you need not swallow hook, line and sinker everything he tells you. Always take his words with a pinch of salt. There is nothing a typical sanguine does without the motive of trying to make everyone notice him. He is an attention seeker. He is often the life of the party, he knows how to steal the show and attracts the attention of everyone to himself. There is no other temperament that can be more charismatic and attention grabbing than a typical sanguine. He is a talkative, and his flamboyant lifestyle makes him to be easily noticed. When he dressess gorgeously, he often wants to know who’s looking at him or noticing, so he can feel more confident, fulfilled and satisfied. He does not hesitate to greet everyone as he walks in the streets within his neighborhood. He’s got a lot of friends. There’s no other temperament that has got more friends than a sanguine. He is a fascinating storyteller, who always uses words and his storytelling ability to get the attention of his listeners. The sanguine is never in want of what to say at any point in time. He’s very loquacious. He could talk until he exposes all his weaknesses for all to see. Although, a very lively and cherry person, who knows how to lift the spirit of others. But the sanguine is an emotional person, who could easily get angry when his feeling is undermined.

When a sanguine’s feelings is undermined, it often triggers his anger, and he does not hesitate to exclaim in quick and explosive outburst, which evaporates immediately after that moment. The sanguine’s lifestyle is more superficial than profound, because he more often than not does things as his feelings and emotions, rather reasoning directs. He’s a very spontaneous person. Never take his angry outburst too seriously because it lacks depth, and immediately wanes as soon as he remembers his next fun and happy moment. The sanguine is a happy and fun loving person, who does not want anything to get in the way of his fun and happy mood. No wonder he often likes to spend better part of his time being in a fun mood with his friends and admirers in a camaraderie atmosphere. Major aspects of his personality that negatively affects his interpersonal relationship with others, are his quick angry outburst, which is usually more often not borne out of reasoning, but only when his feelings for that moment is undermined or not taking seriously. He can also get angry easily if he’s not allowed to freely display or express his exuberant and flamboyant lifestyle. And finally, a typical sanguine wants to be the center of focus or attraction. He wants you to notice, admire and see him to be too important, if he can’t get this from you, it could put a spanner in the wheel of your relationship with him. So for a personality like the sanguine, how do you improve your human Interpersonal relationship with him?

The first thing that I always tell anyone when it comes to managing or relating with people, is endeavor to understand their temperament, which often influences their behavioral patterns. Because when you are aware of the personality traits of different temperaments, it will be easier relating with them based on who they are. Having known and understand the traits of a typical sanguine, one of the best ways you can maintain a cordial Interpersonal relationship with them is firstly, don’t often take their emotional outburst too seriously because it evaporates within a twinkling of an eye, and they could even be the first to conciliate or seek your face after all their vituperations and outbursts. Sanguines are rarely bitter against anyone, or perhaps harbor inner resentment, anger or grudges against anyone. The moment they are able to express how they feel through their very quick and explosive outburst, that’s all. In some cases, you may try to make them to realize that they’re overeating or paranoid over something that can still be remedied or controlled. Secondly, everyone loves compliment, being eulogized or admired, but a typical sanguine needs a dose of it to make him feel important. Thus, it won’t be bad or demeaning for you, to show your sanguine friend or colleague that you kind of value and appreciate them, just so you maintain that cordial relationship between both of you.

Personality Traits Of A Typical Choleric And How You Can Relate With Him:

A choleric is a hot and quick person. He’s got no time to waste on anything. Infact he is irritated by lazy and sluggish people, and anyone who attempts to slow him down whenever he wants to achieve something will surely taste his wrath. He’s an overly ambitious person, and his ambition often drives his passion for work and activity. It’s rare to see a predominant choleric idle, or not engaged in something, more especially in things that’ll put more money 💰 into his pockets. He’s an activity-prone and highly productive person, who doesn’t believe in asking or begging someone for anything.

A choleric is easily the most productive and self-sufficient of the four temperament types. Rarely does he pander to anyone, nor does he need the approval of people to live his life, or do whatever he wants to do. He enjoys an independent lifestyle, and for sure knows how to carve out a niche for himself wherever he finds himself. Don’t be anxious or worried about him, because he’s a very capable person, who no doubt knows how to navigate his way through the waters of life. He thrives in activities, bigness, productivity, and knows how to stimulate his environment with his visions and goals. Though, he’s an outgoing person like his sanguine counterpart, but not for the purpose of having fun or maybe being in a very convivial mood with friends and admirers, of course cholerics have got the least number of friends after melancholics. But it’s often for the purpose of achieving his goals or working to make more money to be able to live his independent lifestyle.

Although, he’s not usually a talkative like his typical sanguine counterpart, but he no doubt believes in quickly expressing his views and opinions on any issues. He is a very forthright person, who does not care about what you feel or think, but will often tell you the sad truth to your face. He’s very much assertive and affirmative in his word and whatever he wants, and often backs his words with deliberate action, unlike his sanguine counterpart who talks more but does little. He is action packed, believes in getting something done, than talking about it. Though he could also be spontaneous in his actions like his sanguine counterpart, but he’s often more intentional about what he wants to do than a sanguine. He’s a very courageous, decisive and resolute person. The moment he decides on something, it’s often difficult for him to reverse it. Once he makes up his mind on anything, it’s always hard to make him change it. He’s a narrow- minded, dogmatic and opinionated person, who often tenaciously hold on to his belief, views and opinions.

When it comes to human interpersonal relationship, a choleric has got the least interpersonal relationship skills. Some of his major weakness that often negatively affects his interpersonal relationship with others are first, his anger. There’s no other temperament that has got anger problem more than a typical choleric. The choleric’s anger is more intense and destructive than that of any of the four temperament. Apart from the melancholic who comes close, no other temperament can match the typical choleric’s angry outburst. He often erupts like a volcano, and roars like a lion when angry. His anger could lead him to hostility and cause him to destroy things if he does not control it. Some of the major cause of his anger in his interpersonal relationship with people are, argument.

A choleric does not like to be argued with, infact you can’t win him in an argument. Arguing with him for a long period of time, and being unwilling to agree with his view could easily trigger his anger, and he will not hesitate to make a mincemeat of you with his 🔪 knife-cutting words. A choleric is also domineering and high-handed. He always wants his views and opinions to prevail. He is a table-pounder and a door slammer, and often the first to walk out of a group or a meeting when his interest isn’t protected or his views are not taken. He’ll not hesitate to ride roughshod over anyone who opposes or disagrees with him. He often drives his followers, subjects or staffs crazy with his high-handedness if he’s in a position of authority, he will rarely allow them have a say. For him, his opinions or decisions is final. All these oddities are usually what negatively affects a typical choleric’s Interpersonal relationship. So, how can you improve your relationship with him?

For a typical choleric, in order to improve your interpersonal relationship with him. First, avoid getting into argument with him of course, you can’t win an argument. You can only make your views and opinions heard, it’s left for the other person to take or leave it. If you understand your choleric friend or colleague’s weaknesses too well, you’ll definitely know when they’re tilting towards anger. Stop right there, in order to calm the situation or douse the tension for that moment. In their calm and quiet time, you could go back to them, and make them understand your own point of view or why you’ve got a superior argument or opinion.

Don’t interrupt him while he’s still talking, allow him to freely express himself and be okay, before making your point. A choleric needs results, he’s a result-oriented person. Don’t bore him with all the details, analysis longtime planning and explanations, Just give him result. Always relate with your choleric friend or colleague from a position of strength, rather than weakness despite how domineering he may be. By strength, I mean don’t be too weak to relate or talk to him. Despite his domineering attitude, he also likes a very intelligent, strategic and creative person, who could engage him in cerebral discussions or give him guidelines and ideas that will enable him achieve his goals. And lastly, typical cholerics respects people who keeps to their words. When you have a deal with him, or have made promise to him, ensure you keep your side of the deal or perhaps, fulfill your promise to him. Else, you’d be his worst enemy.

Personality Traits Of A Melancholic And How To Relate With Him:

Melancholics are the most hospitable and accommodating of the four temperament categories, although they may appear not to be like that from a distance. But a closer relationship or interaction with them will often prove to you that they really are. He’s an introvert by nature, who often loves to keep to himself, and relish his private life. He will never be the first to come to you to initiate friendship or relationship, but he’ll wait for you to come to him first, and show enough sincerity and commitment before he’ll begin to take you seriously as a friend or colleague. He is a very trustworthy, loyal and faithful friend, who rarely disappoints or let you down when you’re counting on him. In his very happy and excited mood, his greatest desire is for everyone to also be happy and comfortable, and he can do anything within his capacity to make that happen. But in his sad and unhappy mood, he’s the most difficult person to relate with. For hostility, aggression and anger usually gets a better part of him. And if he is not quickly helped out of that sad mood, or the situation is not properly managed, it could lead him into manic-depression.

A typical melancholy is by nature the most intelligent, detailed and analytical of all the four temperament, but he still battles with moodiness, poor or low self-esteem, self-pity, self-persecution and depression. You may want to order and read the Spirit- controlled temperament by Tim Lahaye or the 10 Best Ever Depression Management techniques by Margaret Wehrenberg to help you overcome these weaknesses, and also manage depression as a melancholic. There’s no other temperament that has got an uncommon desire for perfection more than a predominant melancholic. He is a perfectionist personality by nature, and it could perhaps be the main reason why he’s easily prone to moodiness, low self-esteem, and self-criticism, and which consequently leads him to depression if he does not get something hundred percent completed or achieved. He’ll so criticize himself or others to the extent that he or they, will begin to loose his or their self-esteem.

Regardless of all his natural weaknesses or oddities, he’s still a very good team player, self-sacrificing person, who could sacrifice his time, energy and resources in order to make sure the team achieves more. He’s no doubt one of the most reliable, dependable and loyal friend, colleague or partner, and you can always count on him to keep to his words or any secret you have shared with him. However, conflicts usually sets in, in his interpersonal relationships when he’s sad, unhappy or moody. During this period, he wants you to also feel his pain and show him some sympathy or consideration. His selfishness could also be another bane of his interpersonal relationship with others.

He’s often quick to criticize others, and also point out their errors, but more often than not, tries to justify his own errors. Finally, he’s a very simple and easygoing person by nature, especially when you want to judge him by his outward appearance. But don’t try to take him for granted, or perhaps take his simplicity for stupidity. He’s usually the patient type, but could harbor and conceal some revengeful thoughts, and when he’s pushed to the brick, hell will definitely let loose. He’s seems to be the most callous of all the temperaments when pushed to the wall. Therefore, how do you improve your interpersonal relationship with him?

A melancholic has got two extremes. When he is cold, he’s often excessively cold, and when he is hot, you cannot believe that he has ever been cold. In his interpersonal relationship with others, his perception of your motive, or his feelings about what you think towards him, which are sometimes wrong, could make him begin to conceive some wrong or negative thinking patterns. More often than not, he overreacts based on assumption or his perception of what you think towards him. He does not really consider or dwell much on your negative actions towards him, but he often looks at the motive behind it. It is for this reason that he is not as aggressive as the choleric or sanguine, but will always wait patiently to understand the reasons behind your negative attitude towards him.

He’s a very peaceful person, who is always careful not to hurt others or maybe step on anyone’s toes. If perhaps you stepped on his toes by error, he could easily forgive and let go, if only you’re remorseful, else he’ll withdraw and keep his distance from you. But if he perceives you are deliberate about hurting him, the once peaceful and gentle melancholic person, could become a very callous and brutal person. The best way you can improve your interpersonal relationship with him, is to reciprocate his nice and kind attitude towards you. Be as sincere and honest with him as he is too you, and also treat him with dignity and respect the same way he does to you. His philosophy of life is, ” treat others how you want to be treated”.

Personality Traits Of A Phlegmatic, And How To Relate With Him:

A typical phlegmatic is the most outwardly simple, nice, gentle, easy-going, laid-back and very organized of the temperaments. But he’s got a dose of weaknesses that are hidden, and are not easily visible on the outside, unless you have been very much close to him. Although, he is an introvert who often likes to keep to himself and also mind his business, just like his melancholy counterpart. But he also loves people being with or around him, and often desires their praises and compliments. He often has an inner desire to be noticed or recognized by people, and for everyone to pander to him and see him to be deserving of all eulogies and compliments. He always encourages himself with the thinking that he’s perfect, since he’s a friend to everyone, and has got no problem, therefore he should be seen to be better than the others. But, like water may appear very nice and harmless, but could be very harmful and destructive, so also a typical phlegmatic may appear to be nice, kind and harmless.

However, within lies envy and jealousy, cunningness, hatred and inner resentment against persons who do not seem to pander to him, or accord him that recognition. If peradventure he’s less-privileged or on the disadvantaged side of life, he is often very meek and humble, and he’s the first person to get help or assistance ahead of the other temperaments, because of his very calm and gentle qualities, plus his nice and kind attitudes. But if he attains a better or more privileged position, he often wants to be recognized, noticed and appreciated by everyone around him. It seems to me that both phlegmatic and sanguine have got similar desires of being noticed, or perhaps recognized by people, but while a sanguine is very loud and clear about his, a typical phlegmatic is rather diplomatic about his. And this is mainly because both sanguine and phlegmatic are the least self- sufficient or self-reliant of the four temperaments.

No other temperament can be more slow and sluggish like the phlegmatic. Perhaps, he often takes his time to do things, but he’s rarely a decisive and courageous person. He often needs the support and approval of people, especially friends and admirers around him before he could act or take any decision. He depends so much on people, and making sure that they’re for or with him, so he can feel very comfortable and relaxed. But one thing is that, he’s the most gullible of all. He’s easily taken advantage of, by those around him since his simplicity often makes him feel that as long as they’re with him, they cannot betray him. He’s that kind of person that rarely accepts the truth from any other person, as long as he is got persons who makes him believe he’s doing the right thing. He’s a very calm, quiet and peaceful person, rarely confrontational. He tries to maintain his cool if hurt, because he fears being involved in conflict with anyone, but he could conceal or bottle up so many things against you in his mind, and could also develop inner resentment and bitterness towards you. None other temperament knows how to keep records of any negative action against them than a typical phlegmatic. He could easily forgive, but rarely does he forget any unpleasant action or experience done to him, for he’ll remind you of it even after many years.

Though he’s a good team player, congenial, easygoing and also simple person to relate with. But you’ll most likely often feel bored relating with him, because he’s rarely an expressive and lively person. Sometimes, you must have to be a storyteller, a lively person or an entertainer in order not to feel bored relating with him, or to sustain his interest in you. He basically loves to be entertained, and made to feel very relaxed, happy and comfortable. No wonder he is easily, and sometimes maybe emotionally attracted to a typical sanguine, because the sanguine has got a dose of entertainment to give him. When it comes to improving your interpersonal relationship with him, I think he’s got one of the best interpersonal skills. He could relate and work well with others for a longtime without any conflict. But in order to maintain a healthy and long lasting relationship with him, just be nice and complimentary to him. When he does, or achieves something good, eulogize and compliment him, show gratitude and also encourage him to do more, this makes him feel very appreciated.

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