Marital abuses more often than not, has got a lot to do with the particular temperament we’re born with!
How To Live With A Domineering And Abusive Choleric Spouse:
In many marital relationships, there often comes a time when some little misunderstandings or disagreements may likely lead to conflicts that could perhaps result in verbal or physical abuse. Eventhough this situations are not unlikely to happen, but our basic temperaments often plays a pivotal role to either ameliorate the situation or make it worse.
As human beings with different traits, courtesy of the temperament we’re born with. There’s always a natural tendency towards trying to feel more important than the next person. And if not seen or allowed to feel that way, our human ego could make us want to feel bad about them, which could also result in verbal or physical attack. Especially when we perceive that they’re much weaker than we are.
In a nutshell, every temperament has the inclination to being physically or verbally abusive of others when our ego is perceived to be trampled upon. However, some temperaments are more egotistic than others, and are also more prone to either physical or verbal abusiveness because of their quick and hot temper. One of such temperaments are the cholerics.
It’s for this reason that in today’s post, we want to consider how you can live in peace with a very domineering and perhaps sometimes abusive choleric spouse. Particularly, a young male choleric, whose youthful exuberance may sometimes make him want to display his masculinity.
In subsequent posts, we’ll also consider some other temperaments, and what could make them become physically abusive, and how you can also live peacefully with them.
Let’s first of all consider some of the traits and characteristics of typical cholerics:
Cholerics are usually described as 🔥 fire, very quick and hot personalities. They’ve got no time to waste on less important things that’ll not help them achieve their goals. They’re highly dogmatic and opinionated. Therefore running roughshod over those who do not seem to pander to their opinions is not uncommon for them.
Because of their self-sufficient and very independent lifestyle, no other temperament can be more egotistic, bossy and domineering than a typical choleric. If it’s not about achieving their goals, cholerics rarely cares or bother about what or how others feels or thinks about them.
Unless they’re raised with love by a loving and caring parents they’ll likely grow up being less compassionate, very inconsiderate and unemotional. Apart from a melancholy who comes close when they’re moody, no other temperament can be more quick to aggression, being belligerent, verbally and physically abusive at the slightest provocation.
Cholerics are very decisive, resolute and dogged individuals, who often stands firm on what they believe in. It’s difficult to make a choleric change his mind on a position. Another major positive traits of cholerics is their forthrightness. They’re very fearless in confronting what’s obviously not right and or unpleasant.
Cholerics are rarely influenced or concerned by what others do, or allow their environment to influence them. They’ll rather influence others with their attitude and lifestyles and also stimulate their environment with their visions and goals. For someone who has got these qualities, traits and idiosyncrasies, let’s take a brief look at their marital relationship.
Cholerics have got their character and behaviours well cut-out and specified. You’ll already know who they are just after having a little encounter with them. A typical choleric’s lifestyle and behavioral pattern is no different from how they behave or relate with their spouses at home.
Their spouses may likely appreciate their bravery, courageous and hardworking nature to provide for the basic needs of their family. But they will often lament and complain about their lack of sensitivity to their feelings, inconsiderateness and also having to spend more time for work than with them.
But cholerics will often vociferously lashout at them with the fact that they provide all their needs, and the basic needs of the family, and what more do they want. This is usually typical of male cholerics. Some of the cholerics personal oddities and idiosyncrasies often tends to engender marital crisis, and perhaps verbal or physical abuse in the home.
And most male choleric, or even female choleric dominated marriage and relationships tends to witness more abuse than others, unless some measures are put in place to forestall or discourage such. We want to look at some of these measures in eight key strategies to living with an abusive and domineering choleric spouse.
8 Key Strategies of Living With A Choleric Spouse:
There are 8 key strategies that you can adopt to live peacefully with your domineering and perhaps, abusive choleric spouse. These strategies are specifically based on who a choleric is, and things that often interests them about other persons.
There’s no gainsaying the fact that each of the four temperaments has got what often interests them about others. And these interests are recipes for living in peace and harmony with them. For typical choleric, they are:
1. Ensure They Sincerely Love And Find You Interesting:
The very first and foremost strategy, and which is also the basics for living in peace and harmony with a choleric spouse, is that you want to make sure they love you sincerely, and find you very interesting. Like we said earlier, cholerics are rarely emotional people.
There self-sufficient and independent nature and lifestyles, often tends to not allow them pander to, or being too crazy and eager to notice who love or do not love them. And also being a very hard-working and goal-oriented personality, it’s not uncommon for them to trivialize love and emotions, and also take it for granted.
It’s for this reason that you’d want to ensure cholerics are sincerely in love with you, and are very much attracted to you. You may want to find out the reason why they love you, and choose you above others. Cholerics do have very cogent and sincere reasons why they love a particular person. Else, they wouldn’t blink an eye for you.
When you can guarantee a choleric’s love for you, then you can be sure you’ve got a king or queen who’ll stick with you to the end, and protect you, barring any act that’ll make them feel ridiculed or disrespected. So the first strategy is to ensure that you’ve got a place in your choleric spouse’s heart.
2. Always Engage Them In Intelligent Discussions:
The reason why so many persons are not valued by their choleric spouses is because they’ve got nothing upstairs to engage them with when it comes to having reasonable and very cerebral discussions. Cholerics respects and loves very intelligent people, who has got the courage and capacity to take them on very brilliant and intelligent conversations.
This often makes them feel you’ve got something to offer and contribute, that could help them maximize their chances of achieving their goals. And they’ll often come to you to seek your advice and opinions concerning any matter.
But when they perceive you have nothing meaningful to add or contribute to helping them achieve their goals, taking you for granted or seeing you as a liability isn’t an uncommon thing for them.
If you want your choleric spouse to respect and value you, don’t be a liability. Always endeavor to engage them in cerebral discussions.
3. Always Operate From The Position Of Strength:
As vibrant and formidable as they are, cholerics also likes and respects very vibrant, smart and forthright persons. Though, you may not be as physically vibrant, decisive and outgoing as they are, perhaps as melancholy or typical phlegmatic.
But cholerics likes when you’re strategic in how you do things. When you’re determined, resolute, uncompromising in what you believe in, not easily frightened and often prompt in doing what needs to be done, cholerics often appreciates those qualities.
It’s for this reason that a marriage between a choleric and a melancholy may work perfectly eventhough they are both egocentric, but they’ll often learn to respect each other.
It’s also for this same reason that a marriage between a choleric and a phlegmatic, particularly if the woman is the phlegmatic, the marriage will likely be a master and servant relationship.
Because of the phlegmatic’s extremely quiet and docile nature, plus their lack of self-motivation. If you want to make a choleric value and respect you, you must always operate from the position of strength rather than weakness.
4. Speak Up, Don’t Nag:
Nobody likes a nagging spouse, even a typical choleric. Most spouses suffers in their marriage, and wallow in self- pity and depression because of fear of problems or marital crisis.
It’s very important for you to know that when a choleric notices that you’re a fearful or easily frightened spouse, he’ll no doubt become more domineering with impunity. But when you’re an outspoken person especially on things that are very legitimate, they often take note.
However, you must avoid nagging or complaining excessively. Rather make your point once, over their attitude, and be damn serious in expressing your displeasure. Whether they stop or change immediately or not, they’ve heard you and had taken note of what you’re complaining about.
Cholerics often admires and respects very courageous, forthright and principled persons, who can look them in the face and tell them what they’re doing wrong.
5. Be Complementary Rather Than Competitive:
Cholerics are very domineering, egotistic, inconsiderate and highly self-sufficient personalities, who do not care about what you think or feel about them. Thus , trying to compete with such a person is ill-advised. That is their nature and you may not be able to measure up with their very quick and hot lifestyle.
Trying to compete with a choleric will be hurting yourself. Infact why should you even try to compete with your choleric spouse? It’s totally uncalled for.
Rather than engaging them in an unnecessary competition, you should always try to complement them for their good efforts and be seen to be making them a better person. Typical cholerics likes people who are very complementary, and makes them feel they’re the best, or helping them to get better.
6. Share In Their Dreams And Visions:
Cholerics usually have big dreams and visions. They’re visionaries who can envision their own empire and work towards it until they achieve it. It’s for this reason that they love to engage in intelligent discussions and conversations.
They need someone who understands the direction they’re going, and ready to back them up with strategic planning and thinking on how they could accomplish their goals and visions.
When you share in their dreams and visions, through giving them useful ideas, suggestions and better ways to achieve their targets, they’ll see you as a necessary partner in progress who’s not just occupying space in their life, but also adding value to it. Cholerics are visionaries, and also goal-oriented individuals.
They’re often attracted to people who fits very well into their plans and will go all the way to back them up in achieving their goals and targets. For cholerics, there’s no much time for horseplaying or perhaps indulging in frivolities, but a very serious-minded person who understands their visions is the best partner for them.
7. Don’t Try To Boss Them:
Cholerics are highly independent and self-sufficient persons. They do not like to be bossed or policed. They’re very self-willed, and likes to be free in their thoughts towards doing what they want to do.
Allow them their freedom to be able to do what they want. Give them a break, and allow them make their decisions. For you’re sure they’ll not disappoint you, and will definitely deliver on that which they’ve promised.
When cholerics are able to achieve their goals and also could deliver on their task, they’re extremely happy and excited, and the entire family wins. Allow cholerics have their freedom, and avoid always trying to boss or police them.
8. Try To Be Self-reliant Or Sufficient:
A marriage where a typical choleric is totally depended upon for virtually everything, will definitely be a master and a servant relationship, where the choleric partner feels that he or she is totally in control, and expects one hundred percent loyalty from you.
It’s usually in this type of marriage that cases of verbal and physical abuse is often witnessed. Thoughs as very self-sufficient and independent as they are, cholerics also likes someone who’s somehow self-reliant, and not totally dependent on them for almost everything.
Although, cholerics may at first, feel that they’re capable of providing and meeting all your needs, but when the going becomes tough, even when it’s not, they’ll surely use it as a tool for defending their lack of commitment and insensitivity to your needs.
Don’t be gullible to think that you would just relax and enjoy yourself under a choleric spouse or any temperament for that matter, without adding any value.
Eventhough cholerics are very hard-working and likes to provide for their families, but they still need someone who has got independent of thoughts, often seen to contribute meaningfully and complementary enough to their efforts.
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Conclusively, every temperament has got what attracts and interests them in others. For a typical choleric, these tips and strategies will enable you to live in peace and harmony with them, regardless of their domineering and aggressive nature, which could make them become abusive. When a typical choleric loves and finds you very interesting, and you’re able to implement all the above strategies. Then you’ve made yourself an indispensable partner in their life.
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