How To Avoid Divorce Using Your Temperament Strengths & Qualities:
I’ve heard a lot of persons ask if it’s necessary that they must marry someone whose character or lifestyle is compatible with theirs, or if really compatibility should be the basis for choosing the right person for dating relationship or marriage. Perhaps, you that’s reading this post may also be asking the same question, and wondering if really, every intending couple must be compatible in every aspect before they can tie the nuptial nut.
Is temperament compatibility really necessary to decide the success of a marriage? I’ll say YES, temperament compatibility is very important for marital success. And I’ll explain why later.
But let me first of all quickly indulge you with Tim Lahaye’s book: why you act the way you do. This book is very insightful and inspiring. It’s one of my favorite book as a young boy who was curious to know more about myself, and why people behaved differently.
It inspired, and gave me some insights about why we’re individualistic in nature. You can order the book now, in order to get an in-depth knowledge of the four basic temperaments, and also give yourself a temperament test. It’s available on Amazon online store. Let’s come to our topic for today.
Honestly speaking, there are lots of misunderstanding and misconception about temperament compatibility in marriage. A lot of persons thinks it’s about being compatible in character, likes, dislikes, lifestyle and behavioral pattern. But that’s not really the case.
When we talk about temperament compatibility in marriage, we don’t necessarily mean that couples or even intending couples must be compatible in terms of their likes, lifestyles and, or behavioral patterns.
As a matter of fact, it’s adviceable for people to marry persons whose temperament is different from theirs, in order to have a blend and mix of other temperaments, with different personality traits in the family. And secondly, to avoid the weaknesses of a particular temperament becoming so glaring and embedded in their kids.
Temperament compatibility basically means discovering what strengths or qualities that are in the other person that you so admire and appreciates, and they often interests you so much that could make you to overlook or tolerate their weaknesses, as long as such weaknesses does not affect your happiness in the marriage.
It’s not necessary that couples must behave the same way for them to have a successful marriage. But you must be able to figure out those strengths and qualities in the other person that you often admire, and they interests you well enough to keep you in the marriage when it becomes tough.
However, you may not be able to exactly figure out the right person that’ll be compatible with you, or who has got the strengths and qualities that could match what you need until you discover your own temperament with its inherent weaknesses and strengths. A knowledge of the four basic temperaments and their various strengths and weaknesses will put you at a vantage position in making that right choice.
This is why it’s very necessary for you to order and read Tim Lahaye’s book I recommended above, to give you an insight and in-depth understanding of the temperaments. Because without knowing the basic weaknesses and strengths of different temperaments, everybody will appear to be what you want, as long as they show you their good side.
Every human being belongs to either of the four temperament categories of sanguine, choleric melancholy and phlegmatic. However, we could have two or more of them combined in us, but usually in varying proportions to represent the temperament blends.
Forget the sound of those names, you may not like them. But if we could represent them with a more relatable nomenclature. We could refer to them as: air, 🔥 fire, earth and water respectively, as used by an ancient Greek physician, Hippocrates who believed in the theory of humorism. We don’t intend to delve in detail into the four basic temperaments as this isn’t the purpose of today’s post. But those terms should give you an idea of what each temperament looks like.
Each of these four temperaments has got their own innate weaknesses and strengths. Thus, when we talk about temperament compatibility, especially in marriage, we’re basically referring to these strengths and weaknesses, rather than compatibility in traits and lifestyles.
When it comes to marriage, a lot of persons often makes reference to character, and a good character is their yardstick for measuring who’ll make a good spouse or a good person to marry. But this is where they get it wrong.
They fail to understand that character does not come from the blues or exists from no where. It must’ve originated from somewhere, and that’s from the temperament we’re born with, which often influences our personality traits.
Agreed that a person’s upbringing could also be responsible for the kind of character they possess. But that’s just like window-dressing or putting a finishing touch to something that is already existing.
Your real character is already existing or embedded in you from birth at the point of your conception, as a result of the genes that we’re transferred to you from your parents, and even more from your grandparents. And this is why no parents can give what they’re destitute of. Every parent must always reproduce themselves. We’re not going to go into parenting, as that is a different aspect all together.
Talking about character, have you ever wondered why some kids of the same parents, while some grows up to be well-behaved and organized with less effort in training, others grow to become wayward and irresponsible after much parental guidance and training?
It’s because the temperament a child is born with has a major role to play in the kind of adult they will become. And parental upbringing, societal Influences and peer pressures will further contribute to either making or breaking their character.
For instance, if a child has got a sanguine temperament, there’s no amount of training that’ll make him or her not to pander towards being an outgoing and very exuberant person with lots of friends. If they were also phlegmatics, it’ll be very difficult for them not to succumb to often being influenced by peer pressures. And if for instance they we’re also typical melancholies and cholerics, being overly critical and domineering respectively, will not be uncommon for them.
We can see that this is basically how our temperaments influences our individual characters in different ways. Now, the question is, why do we focus so much on a person’s character without knowing their temperament, and realizing that the temperament they’ve got influences their attitudes. And this is the reason a lot of persons often makes mistakes in deciding the right person for them in marriage.
Some persons actually thinks getting married to a very quiet, calm, gentle and perhaps naive person is the best for them, without realizing that those traits or qualities are actually not the best for their kind of temperament. And the moment they see another person who’s very lively, expressive, outgoing and may be sophisticated, they become very much interested in them, and often wished that’s who they married.
It’s important that when considering marrying someone, you should know what you want. And knowing what you want basically means, you ought to be aware of your temperament and its strengths and weaknesses. Then, find out what strengths and qualities that often interests you in the other person.
Temperament compatibility is not about being of the same temperament or be compatible in terms of likes and dislikes, No. It’s not necessary that we must be of the same temperament for the marriage to work. We could be of different temperaments, but what matters most is, understanding your spouse’s temperament well enough, and what often interests you about them.
It’s for this reason I’ll recommend you read temperament God gave your spouse by Art and Laraine Bennett. This book will help you to know more about your spouse’s temperament and how both of you can maximize your strengths and tolerate or manage your weaknesses to have successful marital life. Order the book now online, as stocks are limited.
When you know what interests you about your spouse, which is basically as a result of their temperament, you will definitely not focus so much on their weaknesses or you could make them adjust a bit to what you want as long as there’s true love and passion for yourselves, or you perhaps help them to manage and/or make their weaknesses less noticeable, through influence.
I’ve seen sanguines who adjusted and becomes less outgoing, more serious, disciplined, organized, talks less and more committed to their families while still retaining their strongest qualities and strengths of liveliness, highly-spirited, charismatic and adventurous, simply because they married a typical melancholy. Why?
Because they’re attracted to their melancholic spouse’s strengths of discipline, organization, Intelligence, loyalty and commitment to the well- being of their family. They never want to loose those qualities that interests them in their spouse, hence the need to adjust. And this ought to be the same for all temperaments, when contemplating tying the nuptial knot.
When you’re able to discover what strengths and qualities which are inside your partner’s temperament, and they often interest you enough that you never wished to loose them. That’s a recipe for a lifetime marital relationship and successful marriage. Because those strengths and qualities are what’ll keep you going ahead with the marriage when you perhaps begin to face or encounter some challenges in the marriage.
Conclusively, temperament compatibility in marriage don’t necessarily mean that you must be compatible in character and lifestyle or both of you must have the same temperament. It basically means, finding out the basic strengths and qualities in the other person that often interests you, which could also be complementary to your own temperament weaknesses. This will enable you to either tolerate or help them manage their weaknesses through influence.
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