Melancholies are the most gifted and talented of all the temperaments, and are also one of the most capable and competent personalities after the cholerics. They can succeed in any field of endeavor that requires critical and analytical thinking, intelligence, self-sacrifice, meticulousness, details, creativity and perfectionism. He is a solution-oriented individual, who will rather think of how to solve problems than complain about them. Although, they’ve got a very complicated nature that’s often difficult for most persons to understand. Their attitudinal and behavioural pattern is rather erratic than consistent, courtesy of their high and low moods. Their mood swings is very uncommon, alternating between high-ecstatic and low-depressed moods. At his best, he’s the most adorable and enjoyable personality, who electrifies everyone around him with his happy and excited mood. But during his low and worst state, he’s totally annoying and not an enjoyable person at all, and everyone must be sober about feeling his pain during such moods.
This personal oddity often reflects in a melancholy’s lifestyle and also in their relationship with others. Although, they could be calm, quiet and gentle personalities outside their homes, and some persons may admire them for their good interpersonal relationship and simplicity. But their spouses and kids knows them better than anyone else. If you want to know a typical melancholy’s character, just ask their wife and kids for they know him better than you do.
It’s for this reason that melancholies are adviced to marry those who quite understands their mood swings or knows a lot about their temperament and personality traits, so as to avoid regrets and unending conflicts in marriage.
However, melancholies are very loving, caring, compassionate and emotional individuals. They’re the most passionate about their families more than anyone else. Apart from a phlegmatic who comes close, no other temperament can be more committed to the well-being of their families than a melancholy. As for their spouses and ❤️ heartthrobs, they’re excessively jealous and protective of them to the point of unreasonableness. They’re very faithful and dependable persons whose conscientious nature and perfectionist tendencies does not allow them disappoint or betray those who are honest with, and believes in them. For him, his immediate family is first, and also everything.
However, inspite of all these enviable and sterling qualities, melancholies still battles with lack of confidence, low self-esteem, self-centeredness and moodiness. This is consequent upon the fact that they were also born and raised by melancholic parents. Since every temperament must reproduce themselves, and also transfer their inborn traits to their unborn kids at conception. Thus, if you’re a typical melancholy, you should also expect to give birth to kids with melancholic traits even if you’re married to a different temperament. But marrying a temperament different from yours, or how you raised your kids will make the difference in either mitigating those weaknesses or make them so visible and overwhelming in your kids.
So, how can melancholies improve their parenting and child training capacity?
Melancholies have enormous love to share with their families, especially during their high-ecstatic moods. They do not have a problem with showing love to, and bonding with their spouses and kids. But their weaknesses will naturally be visible in their kids and will also be probably worsened by the training they give them. The melancholy’s weaknesses will no doubt be reflected in the way they raise their kids and the kind of training they also give those kids.
How can they improve their child training ability and make their weaknesses less noticeable in their kids?
For all the weaknesses of frequent moodiness, low self-esteem, poor self-image and selfishness. I will advice or advocate for melancholies to marry opposite temperaments such as: Sanguines, with little phlegmatic or choleric traits, or a loving and very understanding choleric, rather than go for another melancholy like themselves or a typical phlegmatic. This will help to lessen the impact of those weaknesses on your kids and makes them less visible. Since sanguines and cholerics do not have any challenge whatsoever with any of those weaknesses of the melancholy.
Secondly, as a melancholy, apart from the fact that you inherited those weaknesses from your melancholic parents and grandparents, it’s also worsened by how you were raised, as everyone can only give what they’ve got. Similarly, apart from the fact that your kids also naturally inherited these weaknesses from you, it’s now your responsibility to decide whether to train them the same way you were trained and make these weaknesses very visible and embedded in them or to navigate away from what used to be, and lower the impact on your kids.
There’s no gainsaying the fact that majority of the melancholy’s traits of weaknesses are often due to their perfectionism and hard to satisfy attitude. Do you not know that always criticizing and yelling at your kids with so much angry look on your face because of a little misbehavior, you’re inadvertently instilling fear in them? The kids grows subdued by fear, and which consequently takes away their self confidence and makes them easily jittery. You ought to correct them in love even during your lowest state, because kids learn more when love and care is involved. You’ve got to be more correctional than punitive in raising your kids to build their self confidence as they grow up.
Publicly or privately condemning and criticizing your kids for not living up to your high self-imposed standards demoralizes and reduces their self- esteem and image? You often perhaps critique and condemn them for not coming first position in their class or having a 100 percent score, rather than first of all complimenting and eulogizing them for coming third or scoring 80 percent in their exam.
Frequent criticism and condemnation lowers the morale of kids and reduces their self-esteem. But complimenting them for their endeavors and also encouraging them to do better often boosts their morale and builds their self-image. No wonder melancholy kids, inspite of their admirable and enviable qualities still battles with fear, low self-esteem and poor self- image among their equals. Despite the fact that they’ve got these weaknesses in them, but you’ve got to change this narrative as a parent by how you bring them up.
It’s basically for this reason that I will recommend you order and read, Quiet kid: help your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world by Christine Fonseca. Please order the bestseller now, it will enable you to better manage and alsoraise your introvert melancholic kids. Frequently criticizing your kids before others and comparing them to their mates is a very wrong approach of making kids learn. It makes them have a very poor judgement of who they are, and often makes them feel they can’t match up to those kids. Kids develops at their own pace, you do not need to compare your kids to others, just keep encouraging them to do better and allow them develop at their own pace.
I’m absolutely aware you need your kids to be the best among their equals and probably do better than you, every parent wants that. But you must learn to be balanced in your approach to avoid destroying their dignity and self-esteem in the process.
As a melancholic parent, you certainly need to change your parenting and child training approach. You need to be more understanding and more complimentary in training your kids, and less critical of them, in order to make them grow into confident and responsible adults.
Endeavor to leave your comments, questions and suggestions on this post. Also subscribe to this blog with your email and join other subscribers in receiving more updates on this topic.